If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
