R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I know her cup size but not her name....
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize