Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
