i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
my being single is dangerous.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
