I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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