I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
