You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
