Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
