Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
ok first of all what the fuck
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
