its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
