You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
