I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize