Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
