let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize