ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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