Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
