I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Randomize
