I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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