Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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