If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
time to smoke my breakfast
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
