these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize