Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
