You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
