dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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