i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
