the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
