Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize