He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
