I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
