Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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