allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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