I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
