so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
