First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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