Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
