You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
