somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize