I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
