laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
