im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize