I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
