he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
