nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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