I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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