Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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