I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
