remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
