Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
