i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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