Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
