No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
