oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
