Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
