Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
