My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
