Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
