the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
