On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
