Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
