South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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