My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
