Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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