you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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