oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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