hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
