problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I have demons in me.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
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