Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
