Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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