I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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