He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
