this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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