he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize