there's paper in my vomit.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
