thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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