; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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