i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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