my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize