I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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