New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
