you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
