she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
