drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
