shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize