My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
