Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
