I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
