Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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